Somewhere around here is an article I've been working on. I've been looking for it for hours and I know how this will go; I'll spend the entire rest of the day searching for something that will be found only when I no longer need it.
This time, I'm going to trick the "gods of lost things" and pretend I don't want the damn thing anymore. "WHO NEEDS IT," I'll shout out loud to no one in particular, "I have this piece right here that I'm going to use, and then I'll get on with the rest of my day. I have a puppy who needs a bath."
I'll publish the article and then the lost article will appear seemingly out of thin air. I'm on to these blokes.
Meanwhile, the dogs will have gathered all around me at the first suggestion that I've lost something (all but the puppy who's now under the bed). Lost items are of great interest to dogs. Maybe it's a side of beef that I've lost. Maybe it's the chewie I removed from the puppy's mouth because it'd gotten too small to be safe. Maybe it's Elvis. They've always liked Elvis.
If I'm to fool the "gods of lost things," I need to follow through and print something. So here, now, is an "oldie but a goodie" written over ten years ago. I'm re-publishing the piece to show, with a heavy heart, actually, that what seemed ludicrous in the year 2000 is no longer as outlandish in concept. In fact, the piece is begging for an update. Look for that one in the near future.
Top Ten Signs that Political Correctness has gone too far in our sport:
1) The AKC dispenses with dog and bitch classes for being gender biased. Gender-neutral classes will make up the bulk of competition, which will also no longer include Veteran's Class, Puppy Class or 12-18 month classes as they smack of age discrimination;
2) First through fourth placements will no longer be offered since anything less than a first place may potentially damage self esteem. The judge will, instead, distribute amber colored ribbons to all exhibitors, pat them on the back and tell them they all did a good job;
3) Free baiting in the show ring will be strongly discouraged as it indicates an unfair economic advantage over dogs from socio-economically disadvantaged backgrounds where extra food may be at a premium;
4) Owners of dogs will no longer be referred to as "owners," since this suggests oppression of one species over another. Henceforth, 'owners' (sic) will come to be known as 'sapien partners;'
5) Professional Handling will be considered bourgeoise as society comes to consider the blatant exchange of money for services to be tasteless and anti-global; Handlers will offer their abilities free of charge for 'the good of the sport' and henceforth will no longer be called "handlers, " but "ring pattern facilitators;"
6) Cross-breeding between breeds will be encouraged as society comes to value "dog-ness" over breed specificity. Afterall, who is anyone to determine that a poodle is preferrable to a Irish Setter?
7) Since no one person is better than another, the concept of 'trained and/or qualified" judges will be obliterated. Anyone who likes dogs will be qualified to stand in a ring under the auspices of the AKC. The result is that dog shows can be held anytime, anywhere, since virtually anyone can distribute amber colored ribbons;
8) Litter registrations, breeding records, etc. will no longer be monitered or considered public record; afterall, what a 'sapien partner' and their dog does with his or her personal life is none on anyone's business as long as they continue to do their job;
9) Obedience competition has been overhauled since the idea of one species taking orders from another is abhorrent. Instead, sapien partners and their dogs will enter the ring and their exercise might sound something like this: "Precious, let's sit, shall we? We'll do it together. Precious, how do you feel about that jump? Not today? Ok. Let's both go pick up that dumbbell."
10) Agility courses will be revamped to allow the inclusion of physically challenged dogs. Buggies and dollys will be provided to those participants unable to complete the course on foot.
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